I have studied Christianity quite a bit so far, but there is one thing I cannot quite comprehend. I envy those who obediently believe in it. Am I by nature an unbeliever?
No you are not. There is no one in this world who is born an unbeliever. On the surface we may feel that our religiosity is by nature either deep or shallow. Since we were all created by God and for God, it is natural for us to seek him, and we will be happy only when we are alive in his grace.
Yet, there may be times when you study and get the knowledge into your head, and it is possible that it might remain there, purely at the level of knowledge. If it is at the level of knowledge alone and it does not accompany the heart, then it is not yet a true knowledge of Christ. It would be like saying, no matter how carefully the electrical wiring is done, the light will not work unless you turn on the switch. I would like to recommend a little “praying.” Place yourself quietly in the presence of God and listen carefully to the sounds around you. You may notice something you never noticed before.
Christian faith is simply to encounter Jesus Christ, and through him to know God the Father. This encounter with Christ is ultimately not a matter of knowledge. Rather, one might say it is to feel the heart of Christ. The word heart is used here in the normal sense of the term. Hence, we with our own hearts, should accept the heart of Christ.